if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
