does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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