i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize