We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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