i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
