life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
