worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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