I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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