Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
