definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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