Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
