I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize