What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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