Please, let me fuck your mom
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
