An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
