a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
