I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
