YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
