LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
