I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
