You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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