I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
