Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
we should paint friendship bongs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
