After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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