So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
