So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
