totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
