ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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