people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
