just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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