I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
