i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
