I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize