Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found the puke drawer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
