I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
