sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
