you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
