i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
