she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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