"it" just moved
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
