im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
