Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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