I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dignity is for republicans.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize