We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I die, sorry about rent.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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