I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
