I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
