I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
