Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
