Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
