Whod you bang
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
