she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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