so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
