True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
