I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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