its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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