I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
