A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
