Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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