I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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