If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
