2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
