Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You left your phone here
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