Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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