Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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