oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
