i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
