Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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