well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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