You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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