3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
